This week has been hard. No, this week has been unbearable. I feel like I am getting kicked (both metaphorically and physically) from all angles. But, more importantly my objective reasoning and resolution abilities are considerably altered from being 35 weeks pregnant, working 50+ hours running a national sales team, while having my entire company’s board of directors in town for the whole week for a mid-year review. I feel judged, critiqued and questioned at every turn and if I am being honest all I want to do is stay home and enjoy the remaining few weeks of having VT all to myself.
I have a habit of listening to shows while I drive, so the other day I pulled up Netflix on my drive to a meeting and listened to David Letterman interview Kanye West. I personally am a fan of Kanye’s way of thinking. I enjoy his interviews, yes he’s all over the place, but I appreciate his conviction in his truths and his belief that we are all entitled tour own journey and we should not criticize or judge each other but live in our truth 
and our lanes unapologetically. There was a concept he briefly talked about during the interview that caught my attention, it was this notion of Force vs Power. Kanye brushes over it quickly, but I did a little bit more digging and found a book by Dr. David R. Hawkins entitled Power Vs Force: The Hidden Determinants of human Behavior. You can get it on Audible easily and if you have the time I highly suggest a listen. Hawkins explores, what to me is, an interesting concept regarding motive, paradigms, and power. He suggests that the way we view and interact with the world relates to a specific level of consciousness. He believes we often stay within the same consciousness level most of our lives. My hope after reading the book (well, listening to it) is that we switch between these levels based on our individual needs and the more we are in tune with ourselves the more we can notice when we shift from a higher level of consciousness to lower levels that don’t assist in our growth, peace or development.
I love when authors of spiritual concepts use more scientific methods to explain their message. For me, science and spirituality are not dueling concepts, but rather perfect pairing to support each other’s goals. According to Hawkins, there are 17 levels of consciousness that we can operate from. The levels in coral depict those which use power. Operating from one of these levels creates an effortless pull of good things, situations, and opportunities to you. 
When we are aligned in the coral levels, the pull of good things becomes effortless. Meanwhile, the levels in gray demonstrate the levels of force, which requires you to go out there and ‘take’ the good things, situations, and opportunities that you’d like. These levels require effort from your part, and is not always readily avaialble.
It all boils down to embracing power and not forcing “it”. This is a concept that many of us I think struggle with. Can you be powerful without being forceful? We are taught that force and power can be interchangeable but according to Hawkins’ ideas that is not the case at all.
As for this week, when I looked deeper into the conflicts and issues I was having I could pinpoint almost ALL of them to one of the words listed in gray. I was afraid that if I didn’t perform exactly to the standards of “pre-pregnant” Shivi, my company would use the time I’m on maternity leave to find other solutions for the tasks I am tied to. Fear was leading me to be more irritable and uncooperative. If I am truly honest, my power comes in my willingness to be flexible during my transition into motherhood. I don’t want 3 full months at home, I want to find a way to work and bond with my baby. My company’s power comes from their ability accept the modified leave proposal I sent over for the next 3 months, which they’ve agreed to with no push back at all. Our collective power comes from the acceptance that things will change, I will need to delegate, and they will need to involve me in less low level projects so that my team can step into those roles. Once I realized which level of consciousness I’d like to approach it from (reason and acceptance), I could step back without fear of being replaced because let’s be honest thinking about myself as that irrelevant or invaluable to a company I’ve helped restructure does nobody any good ultimately.
Suddenly, I had a way of identifying my own roadblocks and levels of consciousness and I found it so liberating to hold myself accountable. If I’m having a conflict, I’m generally sure that I am looking at the circumstances from a gray, forceful level and in turn coming up with solutions for the problem on the same, or nearby gray level, leaving me ultimately frustrated and at a standstill. However, when I pause and ask myself:
“At what level would I need to look at this situation in order to find peace and a new solution?”
… A new way of being, thinking, and feeling emerges…Hopefully. Look, I am not saying this is the secret sauce, but it’s something, right? 
L and I went to watch Aladdin the other day because…well, I’m obsessed with all things Disney and did I mention I’m huge right now so any activity where I can lounge and possibly have snacks at my disposal is a huge plus. Here again this concept of Power vs Force showed itself. (On a side note: when you are truly a seeker of good things and/or intentionally looking to better yourself, the universe will be so damn clear with you that you will get the messages are meant for you everywhere!)
Aladdin was powerful on his own, he didn’t need the Genie, Jasmine was all about it from the jump. But, he was operating from a place of shame and desire which prolonged his ultimate rise because he was forcing that shit! The Genie is perceived to have phenomenal cosmic powers beyond measure, but why? The Genie comes with acceptance, he is aware that his life is in servitude of a master, he has the sole goal of fulfilling his masters’ wishes, and once he accepts that as his level of consciousness…he is able to enjoy that experience. Masters come and go, but he makes jokes, adapts to each master and embraces his life fully. In the lamp or out of the lamp…the genie is living his best damn life, y’all! I see the back row rolling its eyes collectively…I know sometimes this spirituality stuff seems cookey, but we have to invest in ourselves more. In our growth and in our progress. Wherever the opportunities lie to learn a new way of existence, we have to start to apply them on some level to our experiences so that we can learn, evolve and do it through process and intention.
So, what now? I’m still stressed, huge, uncomfortable and feeling overwhelmed, but I feel slightly better equipped to not feel powerless. I can assess the why, and then try to shift my behavior to match a level of consciousness that could lead me to a better state of mind. Yes, I am clueless about motherhood and what’s about to happen. But, I am choosing now to operate from a place of power. My power comes from my ability to always use reason versus emotions in my life decisions. I want to accept these changes and allow my consciousness to not be led by fear or desire. I want to be in the moment, identify my intentions and adjust my behavior accordingly.
Lofty goals, but have you ever achieved anything in your life without explicitly stating your final outcome? I didn’t go to college saying maybe I will get a degree one day. I declared psychology as my major, followed what my counselor told me each semester and walked away with a degree. So often, we don’t put that same effort into our personal growth and well-being that we do into external accomplishments. There is nothing wrong with understanding and choosing to embrace your power. The immediate application of this is maybe during childbirth…which is coming!!! Trust me, I am DONE being pregnant, but there is no amount of force that can get this baby out until the power of this process allows for it occur on its own. I want to remain in a place of joy and reason and trust that there is a plan and it will manifest! There is no scenario in which he gets to live his life in his current place of occupancy…EVICTION day is coming!
Power gives life and energy. Force takes these away. Force always moves against something, whereas power does not move against anything, it is simply something that just IS.
True power is similar to surrender in its quality. Power is effortless, and it’s about looking inwards, standing still, not trying, not forcing, and not needing. It is really only necessary to recognize that power is that which makes you go strong and have clarity, while force makes you go weak and feel lost. Try to notice these changes in your daily life, live more aware of your own needs and don’t apologize for taking time for yourself. Force always creates counter-force, whereas power should stabilize you and create a sense of calm understanding. When we begin to operate from a place of power, maybe then,
as Kafka said, “The world will freely offer itself to you unmasked. It has no choice, it will roll in ecstasy at your feet.” (Yes, I quoted KAKFAAAAA……who the F am I, sorry guys?!?!?).
The space between expected and exceptional... 